I know I haven’t shared any Halloween pictures yet but I’ve had a rough week. The kids have been sick (thankfully just colds) and Alan went back to work this week. Alan’s been home since Nathan was born and it’s sort of been like having only one kid. When I was with Nathan, Alan would have Isabelle. But with Alan at work, I don’t have that luxury anymore. Now I REALLY am taking care of two kids.

And that has been HARD. It didn’t really dawn on me how hard it would be until a few hours after Alan left. Ahhhh I’m alone with two kids!! Actually it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t cry. But I did have a mini freak out moment. It turns out I freaked out over the wrong thing, running around in my head panicking on how I was going to get Isabelle to sleep. That has actually been the easiest thing to tackle.

That first night Isabelle surprised me by falling asleep on my lap. She rarely ever does that. She didn’t stay asleep the entire night though. I probably jinxed it by thinking, wow that was easy. Because a few hours later she coughed and coughed while she was sleeping and threw up on her sheets. So, that meant getting up and moving her to our bed. And it’s hard sleeping with two kids jam packed against you. I felt like a sardine in a can.

The next night, was worse. Alan left with Isabelle and Nathan crying at the same time. That’s been the more difficult thing, trying to learn how to juggle being pulled in two different directions at the same time. Crying Isabelle, crying Nathan, I’m sure at one point the crying made me want to pull my hair out.

And then at bedtime that night, I had a struggle getting Isabelle to sleep. She missed her daddy and she wanted milk. But she didn’t want to wait for Nathan to get it first. Usually at this point, Alan would take Nathan to the other room so I could quickly put Isabelle down. But that night she didn’t care if Nathan was crying. And there was no Alan in sight to help. Isabelle didn’t really think through that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep with Nathan screaming and crying for milk.

I can’t remember how I resolved it that night but resolve it we did. But we still didn’t get a good night sleep because a few hours later Isabelle peed in the bed. And it got everywhere, not just her bed but ours so that was even more disruptive. I had to change everything. She hasn’t done that I since I last mentioned it. I think it was the change from having Alan home all the time and being sick.

So, needless to say, sleeping has been very interrupted and that never does me any good. I’ll say it again, taking care of two kids is hard. I only get a break for a few hours when Alan wakes up right before work. I don’t even get a real break when I am asleep because I’m on edge worrying about Nathan having a stuffed up nose. I obsessively check to make sure he’s still breathing. Sure I do that anyways but with him being sick, I do it more.

I’m like this: Are you breathing? Yes. Five minutes later. Are you breathing? Ok maybe I’m not so crazy with the checking but you get the idea. At least I don’t poke Nathan the way Alan does. Are you breathing? POKE. POKE. POKE.

Also, Alan isn’t home to help with the diaper changes at night anymore. So, with me nursing through the night, getting up to change him, and being crushed in between two kids, I have been worn out. By Friday I was grumpy, impatient, and dragging. As soon as Alan was up I crawled into bed for a nap.

I feel much better with sleep. I think it’ll get better when the kids aren’t sick anymore. Or maybe when I just learn to deal with it all. And to think, four years ago, I thought it was hard with just one.