The Appointment
The internet is an amazing place, AMAZING. When I wrote that first post about Isabelle’s eyes, one of my readers, Bingsy, forwarded it to her sister, Dr. Cathy Wittman. Cathy contacted us and from there followed many many emails between us where she gave us information, her opinions, and most importantly hope. It was something we really needed. And when I say information I mean a lot of needed information. I would not be exaggerating when I say we got more from Cathy, in a single email, than we got from the doctors who actually saw Isabelle. So, if you are reading this Cathy, thank you. I cannot write that down enough times. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I would sit there reading her emails out loud to Alan, choking back the tears. And even now as I’m typing this, tears are coming to my eyes. Knowing that there are people out there in the world who don’t even know us but who care, who will sit down and write to us, who lift us up when we’re feeling down; it is heartwarming and incredible. I’ll say it again, the internet is an amazing place.
I’d like to share with you some of the information she gave us and what we’ve been learning through the internet. But that will be in some future posts. Right now, I wanted to catch everyone up with our appointment on Wednesday.
I’ll sum it up in Alan’s words to his sister: the pediatric optometrist said basically the same thing as the last optometrist. She recommended contacts. But on top of that she said Isabelle might be developmentally behind. Way to kick you in your balls when you’re down.
I know, I know, I’ll elaborate. You don’t want me ending the post with that. So, yes, she did recommend contacts. But unlike our other optometrist, she talked about patching and vision therapy. So that was a vast improvement. And the reasoning for her saying Isabelle might be developmentally behind, Isabelle wasn’t talking much with the optometrist. She was being shy.
Isabelle wouldn’t answer the doctor’s questions, like pointing out the pictures on the chart. She does know what the pictures are, and can name them, but she wouldn’t for the doctor. She did it for us alone at the ophthalmologist’s. And Isabelle doesn’t know her alphabet so couldn’t do the vision tests with the letters. The doctor said we might want to go to our school district and get her tested just in case.
Writing that out, for a moment, I got all self defensive, feeling a little inadequate for not teaching her the alphabet. I got distracted for half an hour Googling “learning the ABCs” and calling my sister to see if my nephew knew the alphabet. But I got my sanity back. I understand all kids are different. And this post is rapidly descending into an area that I wasn’t even planning to talk about. I wanted to just talk about her eyes so I’ll stop the post here with Isabelle: ooohh aaaah oooh aahhh.
First off, I’m glad that you’ve gotten some great (and helpful and hopeful) info from Cathy. It really sucks that most doctors are so quick to diagnose without really discussing alternative methods or really answering any questions. Asking questions shouldn’t make you a difficult parent it should make you a concerned one.
Phrases like ‘developmentally behind’ get me so mad! All children are different and they are not all comfortable with strangers. There is nothing you could have done differently. I have four children. My oldest refused to answer docs questions up until she was 6 years-old. Her little brother is 3 and he won’t shut up in the doctors office. He know tons of things that she didn’t at 3 and we’ve done nothing different with him. Pisses me off!
I’m so glad you got some good, useful information about what’s going on with Isabelle.
Kinda scratching my head about the “developmentally delayed” thing, though. L is in the three-year-old class at preschool. The curriculum at her school for that class is letter and number recognition.
Anyway … ooooh aaaaah Isabelle is cracking me up. She’s like a little stop-motion pop star!
Good to read your post and that things look promising with Isabelle’s eyes. Don’t worry about Isabelle not ansering the doctor’s questions, Olivia would not answer at first either. The doctor just found a another way to test her and different ways to ask the questions.
I can’t understand why an optometrist would be qualified to make an assessment about a child’s development? My second child is a preemie and was born smaller than gestational age so she gets evaluated regularly for her development. Experts are not quick to label a child as developmentally delayed because of the differences in all children so I am really baffled by your doctor!
Deb
I am just reading this whole story, and wanted to comment because I have amblyopia– only I didn’t know that until I was an adult.
You are doing great to have caught it so early; there is nothing much for me to do about my eyes now; Lasik on my weak eye was a bit of an improvement, but I still find my dominant eye does nearly all the work. But Isabelle’s eye and brain can still change! I had a fear that my daughter had this condition, and had her tested/evaluated a couple of times, just because I knew that diagnosing it early makes a huge difference.
Second, even with the amblyopia, I see fine. I drive, I knit, I have a law degree. The times I notice a problem are when I am very tired, when my good eye is obscured, and in certain sectors of my peripheral vision. I suspect it may be part of the reason I am lousy at racquet sports, too.
Lastly, don’t put too much stock in the developmentally delayed comment; Isabelle simply wasn’t being evaluated for that and like you said, a shy day makes a huge difference. She seems pretty brilliant and on track to me, the casual reader.
I am so thankful that the internet has come to your rescue, sending nice people your way! And I am glad the pediatric optometrist seemed to give you more thorough attention and advice.
I’m sorry she freaked you out with her “developmentally delayed” comment. No parent wants to hear that about her perfect child! I think some kids do know their ABC’s by age 3, and some don’t. And some of the kids who don’t can name every species of dinosaur or remember any song and sing it perfectly in tune. You hit the nail on the head when you said every kid is different.
I have not seen anything on this blog that leads me to believe Isabelle is behind her peers developementally. That said, I’d like to say a small word in the doctor’s defense. It’s entirely possible that she has a child in her life who was diagnosed with developmental disabilities a bit later than ideal, so she’s overly-cautious in recommending testing. She might reason, if you do the testing (which is essentially playing games with a teacher) and everything is normal, no harm done. As I said, I don’t think you need to worry yet, but I am sympathetic to the doctor. She might just be doing her best to prevent a heartache that she has in her personal life.
You are absolutely correct Bethany. The doctor’s first child is autistic. I didn’t mean my post to come across negative. It’s just that was an entirely new worry on top of the Amblyopia.
I don’t know what I had as a child, but it sounds similar. I was extremely far sighted in one eye, and couldn’t read because I couldn’t focus on a page of words with both eyes. This resulted in my first grade teacher assuming I was developmentally delayed. HA. In second grade, after having my eyes checked and getting proper glasses, I tested into the TAG program.
It will be interesting to see how Isabelle changes once she can see better. I bet you’ll be surprised!
To me, Isabella seems quite the normal three year old. My grandson turned three Oct. 8th and so I’ve come to enjoy following your little one’s exploits also (and your sewing)!
Our Ben doesn’t have a clue about ABC’s. He would be panicked in an optometrist’s office–just would not have the conception of a doctor’s appointment and what it would entail. Please take a deep breath!
Barbara
so happy to hear that the appointment went well!…and thankful for all the info. you received from dr. cathy.
i had a dr. make me feel inadequate about jerrett once too. i took him for him yearly physical (he was 5) and the dr/ wanted him to stand on his tip-toes. he had no clue what she was talking about! then she wanted him to crouch down and walk like a duck and again, he was clueless. she said to me, “are you serious? he doesn’t know how to do these things? all kids can do this why can’t he?” I just shrunk down in my chair. i was embarrassed and po’d at the dr.
i think dr’s expect too much…a “fellow blogger” had taken her son to a therapist and because her son was too shy to interact with a complete stranger all by himself they wanted to diagnose him with some kind of disorder. we teach our kids not to talk to strangers so why would they epect a 3 year old too?
Let me just say, as a pediatric nurse, that MOST children are not comfortable talking to poky prody people minutes after they have met them. My little patients when I worked at Children’s Hospital sometimes went days before they trusted me enough to speak to me- and we are talking about some SIX YEAR OLDS! My Madeline is only a couple of months younger than Isabelle and she REFUSES to speak at the dentist office. And ABC’s?? Are you kidding me? My four year old (almost five) is just now to that stage! Molly is one of the best little readers there ever was and she learned her ABC’s at four!
YOU know your child better than anyone else does, if you truly feel like there is nothing to this claim of “developmentally delayed” then don’t worry about it. As a mother of three VERY different children I would have to say that there have been areas where a child has been an entire year ahead of where the others were at that age, but at the same time months behind in other areas. Personally I have never worried with the differences. It’s part of who we are. Even as adults there are areas that you know more than me but other areas that I know more than you, not one of us is smarter than the other.
Now, as a reader, I have to say that Miss Isabelle seems to be the perfect little new three year old. She likes to play with other children (That is HUGE in my book), she enjoys age appropriate toys (the whale), she has good motor skills (she can definitely jive)and she talks well on all of the videos I have seen- maybe that doctor should read your blog! LOL!
I hope this group of loving mamas can make you feel more at peace with your precious little Isabelle. We all love her too and feel a little protective over this beautiful girl that we have had the honor of watching grow. You know that old saying “it takes a village to raise a child”? We feel like part of the village.
Love you,
Samantha
I taught preschool children with disabilities in the public schools for 3 years and taught at a daycare for a year and a half after that. I am also an aunt to 14 nephews and nieces – most of which had their diapers changed by me, etc. etc. I have been around a lot of children, many with disabilities.
I cannot believe at all that Isabelle would be suspected of delays. I was impressed by Isabelle in her birthday video. She showed pre-literacy skills. She knew the letters on her cake meant something, and she spoke the words that were written. The ending got a little garbled because she was very busy eating and saying, “cake,” but that is completely understandable to me, being a cake lover myself. You have proof in video!
I was leaning more towards Isabelle being ahead.
Just FYI: Testing is not an exact science, and even in my mind it seemed like public schools could qualify anyone they wanted as having a disability in some way. They could also disqualify someone with a true delay just the same. It changes from tester to tester and school district to school district based on their background and philosophy.
There are likely many online indicators of what a child Isabelle’s age should be able to do. You will see your gut is right. Isabelle is just shy in certain circumstances. My first time at an optometrists was 6th grade, and it was very traumatic for me – at 12 years. It’s understandable she would be shy there. Remember she also did the same thing at the princess thingy for Disneyland.
You have a lot that is worrying you right now. Don’t give the delay thing a second thought. You and Alan are right. The optometrist is off base here.
Liz didn’t even speak or utter one work until she was freaking 5 years old. Then her first words were complete sentences. She had been observing everything quietly for her first 5 years, not saying a word until the day she felt comfortable. Ebow’s vocabulary is as extensive and equal to Isabelle’s and they are a whole year different. Nina (Liz’s little girl) is a year older than Ebow and her vocabulary is equal to Ebow’s and Isabelle’s. Yes, all kids are different. And even if they have a disability, it doesn’t make a difference to me. Trying to conform to society’s standards is pretty bullshitty to me. Who gives a hoot! Look at Helen Keller. She was deaf and blind and everyone still knows and admires her a hundred years later. She was brilliant. And just if your kid, friend, neighbor, parent or whomever has a ADD, autism, a missing leg, a missing eye, whatever, it doesn’t take away the quality of life and love one can feel, offer and take from life. I just appreciate everything I have and get in life and to hell to anyone else who thinks differently.
Thank you so much for posting the update. I’d been checking all day yesterday — in a totally non-stalker way, of course.
Glad you’ve got so much support and such a sweet sweet little girl. Hope your weekend’s been a little less anxious!
i am happy you are getting useful information and help!! lots of good wishes from us over here!!
I always have to laugh when people want to say that kids are developmentally behind. I think kids feel your apprehension when it comes to appts and then they won’t “perform” for the doctors. My oldest daughter got weird looks because she was reading the eye chart backwards for fun and my youngest daughter when asked to “read” the eye chart couldn’t make heads or tails of the words: FLXZTD or some gobbledeegoop like that. She was finally able to read the word “TOZ” as toes when she got to the 2nd line from the top – haha!
I’m glad that you got more info and hope about Isabelle!
I’m glad this appt was a little more hopeful for you guys. I think most children get shy in front of strangers.
And don’t stress about the alphabet. She’s only 3. I find myself comparing my daughter’s development to others at times also. It’s hard not to.
I just wanted to say one more thing – i love reading your blog. I love your parenting beliefs (at least how you come across in your blog). You and Alan appear to be incredibly caring parents. I think y’all are doing Isabelle so much good by allowing her freedom to be a child. I’m sure she knows how much you both love her.
I don’t know y’all in RL, but I think y’all are fantastic parents.
Kuky,
I just wanted to let you know that my daughter has seen a pediatric opthalmologist for a different condition and our doctor has an eye chart that is NOT letters because they know that not all children know the alphabet! The eye chart has pictures of little animals and objects. Much easier for young kids. You’d think that would be pretty standard for a PEDIATRIC opthalmologist. And my daughter gets shy at the dr too. Just because a child won’t answer some stranger in a white coat does not determine where they stand on the development scale, and what an awful thing to say to a parent! I would expect more from someone who’s specialty is dealing with children.
Oh I’m so sorry if I’ve come across negative about the doctor. She does have pictures of little animals and objects. Isabelle wasn’t very responsive with that and she couldn’t do the letters part.
And the developmental remark was coming from a good place. She has an autistic child and I believe Bethany, a previous commenter, is accurate when she says the doctor was just being overly cautious because she’s experienced that in her life.