Yes this morning I forgot. I woke up and just plain forgot. Then I was too busy looking for my purple polka dot socks. Then I was too busy changing my banner to a sock banner. (Hmm…can’t remember the last time I used a banner that I didn’t draw)

SOCK CRAZY I tell you!

Yes. You read it in the title. I’m not pregnant. And I’m also grumpy, snappy, and queasy. A big monster who’s not fit for company. I thought drawing would help. It didn’t. I’m not pregnant and I’m mad. I don’t know why. I wouldn’t usually be mad but this time, I just am. Yes, I’m sad and disappointed but the mad is in there too. Actually maybe ‘mad’ is too mild a term. I’d say I’m closer to furious. I could kick something or throw something or both, a few dozen times. Or maybe a few million.

I was stalling on taking the test. I’ve never had a super regular cycle and since I’m still breastfeeding Isabelle, that really plays havoc with it. I don’t like taking the test unless I really really think I’m pregnant. Because when it comes out negative, I feel like I’ve wasted the test, which I know I haven’t but that’s just how I feel. Makes no sense, I know.

So this morning I took the test and it was a big old waste. And yes I took it because I was just so sure I was pregnant. So positive, I was happily bopping around in my head thinking about it. But I’m not pregnant! And now I’m being a big grump and Alan is trying to make me feel better but it’s not working. He give me a big hug, tells me we’ll try again, and I just feel…aaaarrrghh. Hands clenched, jaw clenched, irritated, outraged, just fuming. I could just push him away but I don’t. Sorry honey.

I’m so angry. I’m sitting here rereading what I wrote and didn’t even realize my hands were clenched into tight fists. I’m just going to stop typing now before I am even more tempted to throw my laptop across the room. My feelings sway between furious and dejected. I think I’m going to go into the other room and cry now.

Thank you to those of you who emailed me. It makes me realize how lucky I am that people I don’t even know will send me caring thoughts and hugs. Thank you. Thank you so much.

I’m all better. After a whole day of being angry, writing it down helped the most. I think just a little bit after posting and some playing with Isabelle, I was back to normal. Then today Alan took the day off and we went to dinner where Isabelle was adorable. See her cheesy little smile? I don’t know where she learned to do that for the camera. I never ask her to smile or say cheese. She’s started doing this all by herself.

And during dinner she was waving “hi”, playing peek a boo, and giggling at everyone.

Oh and striking poses for the camera. Again where did she learn that from, my silly girl?

And we brought home some yummy chocolate cake, which is right now as I’m typing this, smeared on Isabelle’s chin. I would take a picture but Alan just wiped it up. So yes…thank you everyone. I’m feeling better. Who can stay mad for long with so much love around?