Weird Hermit
Did you know that I am sort of a weird hermit? A recluse of sorts, and not a spiced cookie made with molasses, raisins, and nuts. (Sorry just had to throw that in there. It’s funny. I didn’t know a hermit was also a cookie). And Olinda would probably say yes on the nuts part. Yeah so did you know that? Does that come across when you read my blog?
I would be happy staying at home all the time. Well not all the time. I’m not a total freak. I go out on weekends with Alan. And Tuesdays have become grocery and video store days. (No more going out to movies for us since Isbelle.) But beyond that except for the occasional trip to buy something fun, like fabric or yarn, or to go to the post office I am quite content to be at home during the week. And plus I’m a vampire (ok not really. We are just night owls and sleep late and I don’t like being in the sun.)
In other blogs, people are out and about. And I feel well…weird for staying at home. Well not weird about staying home because actually I like it. But feeling weird about the fact that I like it. If I were normal and not a hermit would I would feel cagey and be itching to go out?
Well anyhoo…the reason for this post. I want to crawl into my little hermit shell and be happy and snuggly at home but Isabelle. Now that she is getting older I feel obligated to do outside stuff with her and other people. Not just the little two of us or three of us when Alan joins us. Meet other moms. GULP. It’s just too weird for me.
I’m not a mom group person. Well how would I know? I’ve never done that before. Maybe I am a mom group person! I guess I will have to try to find out. How do I find other moms in my area? The only other stay at home mom I know is Alan’s sister and well she doesn’t live very near and we’re not that close.
I guess I need to get out of my comfort zone and try something new, meet new people. Find some other stay at home moms. Yikes! How to go about that? Wow posting about what a hermit I am makes me feel like even more of a freak. The rare times that I bring Isabelle to the park up the street from us it is usually empty. And then the times we’ve gone to other parks where there are other moms there I smile at them but what do I say? Hey I have no friends. Want to be a weird hermit’s friend?
March 6th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I totally get that. I love being home more than anything and being inside all cozy.
Is Isabelle old enough for gymboree or little gym or something like that in your area? I met some people that way. My friend joined a MOPS group - Mothers of Preschoolers. Maybe that too?
March 6th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I love being at home too but since I have no children I can’t give you advice in that area. Although, I would for sure hang out with you & Isabelle if I lived near you! Weird hermits unite!!
March 6th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
I’m totally the same way, hermit and Moms groups and everything! I think it’s part of what makes a writer a writer. I have a list of things for Stay at Home Mommies to do to meet other Mommies. I will email it to you.
Michelle (fickleknitter since blogger won’t link my site anymore. Boo.)
March 6th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
first, i love your blog… i am not even sure how i found it - one day just strolling on the net. everytime i attempt to start a blog, i just stop. anyways wanted to post when i read this post about being a weird hermit and “fear” (is fear even the right word ???) of mommy groups - cracks me up - i am there with you! (mom of 2 under 2 and wishing i was a sahm)
March 6th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
I am a weird hermit, too. There are only a handful of times that I’ve gone out without Andrew. Most of the time, we stay home, too. If we could get bands to play at our house, I’d probably never leave (except to go to work). I don’t even like going to the theater anymore because people talk to damn much. Good luck with the mommie-meeting thing. I don’t think I’d do it … and I don’t think I’d feel bad for not doing it. Isabelle will meet plenty of people when she starts going to school.
March 6th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
It’s nice to see other hermits out there!
And yes sam. Fear of mommy groups is right!
March 7th, 2007 at 9:39 am
I think that it depends the type of person you are. I’m not a very social person. I don’t like “congregating” mothers at the sporting events gossiping and what not so I stay away from them. I still don’t like to hang out with Marie’s friends’ mothers and she’s 12 now!!! I find that hanging out with Marie and her friends are much more fun than hanging out with the mothers so I rather do that and drive them to places. It’s understandable what you are going through. If I had my choice, I would also stay home, but I have to work.
March 7th, 2007 at 9:45 am
A hermit, huh? I never thought of you like that. You’re just you and I totally love you! Nuts and all!I KNOW that if you were not nuts and weird I would not have you in my life - and you’ve been in my life for what? 30years? something like that? I wouldn’t know what to do without you - my weird, strange - raise your hand when your on the phone hermit friend/sister. =^..^=
March 7th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Those Moms groups can be absolutely agonizing. We tried a new one last week and it was the most miserable two hours I’ve spent in ages. My littlest ones loved having a carpeted gym to roam and my six year old made a new best buddy, so I guess I’ll have to do it again next week.
Does your local library have an infant/toddler story time? I went to one with Alex when she was little and we had a blast with all of the little songs and finger plays and I didn’t have to stress about getting along with the other mommies.
Mommies with similar parenting styles and interests are worth their weight in gold, but they can be awfully hard to find!
March 7th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Who needs Mommy groups?
You don’t need Mommy groups to make Isabelle’s life complete and you can show her that through your example. You show her that one can enjoy oneself even when not out socializing. And you don’t have to feel guilty about it either. And without guilt, you aren’t constantly second guessing yourself which allows you to feel more confident that you are a GREAT Mommy. And when you feel like a GREAT Mommy, Isabelle will feel you emitting that and she can revel in her Mom’s inner strength and confidence.
So, instead you will have built great memories with Isabelle that you were enjoying every moment with her no matter where the two of you are or whomever you are with.
March 7th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Oooh, that is good advice from anonymous above. I will have to remember that too as I am always feeling guilty about not being the best mother I can be.
March 8th, 2007 at 2:19 am
hi! I think anonymous’ comments are very valid, BUT i did watch on BBC’s “Child of our Time” (where they document children from the time they were born in 2000 till they are 20) that when a parent doesn’t socialise, it sort of nurtures a quieter, more shy kid who may not grow up very confident. So this mom went out of her way to get out of her comfort zone to meet other moms. cos when ur kid sees u socialising, they follow ur example. And then they also grow up more confident.
I dunno if I can do that when I have kids of my own cos I am a hermit as well (haha) but I think I’ll have to give it a go. Confidence is so impt for kids!
March 8th, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Thank you who needs mommy groups anonymous. Your comment was wonderful! There are other areas in Isabelle’s life where I am very opinionated on what works for us and nobody who tells us different is going to change my mind. Thank you for reminding me of that.
And the other anonymous Child of our time. I am very interested to watch this program now. I would like to see the other side. I’m wondering how confident the parents were who didn’t socialize. I hope it plays in my area. I will keep an eye out for it.
March 9th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
New places and faces can be intimidating. Plaster a smile on your face and give it a try, you will either find that you were right and not go back again, or find out you were wrong and make a new friend or two. Either way, it’s a win/win!
March 14th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I’m NOT a Mommy group person either!!! I tried, really I did, and I just hated every moment of it. The park is a favorite place though and the library is great too. My son is almost 4 and now I send him to a pre-school 3X a week - I wanted to send him only 2X a week, but it was not enough time for him to learn the schedule, etc., so 3X a week it is - and I miss him so much when he is gone. But, he is learning new songs, meeting friends, doing art, writing letters - he likes it! And on the days that I do have him - we practically live outdoors and we do lots of fun things together. It’s ok to be a hermit - I would rather live with a nice, loving hermit than an abusive socialite anyday! Your daughter is lucky!!! Don’t feel badly - do what works for you and what makes your family happy.
Cheers!
Evelyn
March 15th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Mommy groups are hard! I tried and I just feel uncomfortable. I’m OK with silence but appearantly other people aren’t and I’m not so great at the small talk. So my boys and I go to story time at the library once a week and hang out at home together. Now that it’s getting warming we’ll try hitting the park occassionally too. My oldest goes to pre-k and he is a social butterfly there so who knows…
March 25th, 2007 at 8:27 am
Hi, I just wanted to add my two cents. I don’t socialize and my kids don’t belong to a “kiddie” group. And despite what that t.v. show claims, my kids are all very self confident, extroverted and outgoing, despite having a quiet, introverted “hermit” mama!
Whenever we go somewhere, my children will talk to everyone about anything and are not shy at all. So you don’t need a mommy group for your kids to have confidence.
And if your children turn out to be quiet and reserved, what’s wrong with that?? That’s great. The world needs all kinds of people, and extroverted does not equal “better” than introverted. I always thought, due to my nature, I’d have calm introverted kids, but somehow they ended up very social, despite their “lack of socialization”.
I find mommy groups painful, as most of the time the moms sit around and complain about their lives, and I refuse to apologize for being happy and grateful for my life! So let your child be who she is without forcing uncomfortable situations on yourself! I’m so glad you’ve received a lot of loving and supportive feedback!
:)