So let’s start this post with something positive. Isabelle is so cute. I can look at her for hours. I love taking pictures of her. Now on to my frustrations.

So Isabelle is having the sucking problem again. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know what to do. Really, what to do when she’s crying and won’t suck? How do I feed her?

And I haven’t mentioned this before but the past few nights or I should say wee hours in the morning she’s been wanting to feed about every hour. I am so exhausted. I’m sitting up feeding her and about to fall over from exhaustion.

I wish I could get her to feed while I’m lying down. But I’m having a hard enough time just getting her to feed normally…lying down is out of the question. I’ve put Isabelle on normally and while she’s sucking try to lie down and she gets all fussy and starts crying, and not just crying but screaming crying.

And then I’ve missed some of my mom’s calls because I’m napping. And then she says to me I’m sleeping too much. WTF? I’m so freaking tired I could cry. Sleeping too much indeed. I could scream I’m so pissed at her stupid comments, yes comments with an S because there were numerous comments that warranted screaming at.

Aaaaah!!!!! So frustrated!

Bath time happens when you have projectile pooping onto daddy or as you’re in the process of having a clean diaper put on you pee all over yourself. Yes indeedy that’s when bath time happens.

We did something silly. I didn’t mention it before. But I’ll share it now. And who knows how many more silly mistakes we’ll make so this post is numbered 1.

Alan’s cousin got us a nice little diaper bag. So I transferred everything from my purse into it. The first outing we had with Isabelle was the day after we brought her home, to the lactation counselor. So we packed her up in her car seat and I grabbed the diaper bag. At the hospital Isabelle had peed so the lactation counselor suggested we change her before she observed a feeding. Alan looked at me, I looked at him. We didn’t pack any diapers. We had a diaper bag with not a single diaper in it. Diaper? Diaper?

Isabelle had an appointment yesterday and I’m happy to say she’s finally over her birth weight! She weighs 7 pounds 15 ounces. She’s still so small though. All these outfits we have that say 0 – 3 months are huge on her. She’s swimming in them.

Even the umbilical cord hat I knit for her is too big. It rolls but it rolls right over her liltle eyes.

Wish she weighed more like Soule Mama’s baby who was born just 1 day before Isabelle and weighs 11 pounds. I just cried reading that feeling like a big loser who couldn’t breastfeed her baby. But it’s o.k. Isabelle is getting better at feedings, less crying, so that’s good. And she’s gaining weight. She’ll reach 11 pounds. She will.

I started writing this post when Isabelle turned one month old but never finished it or posted it because the little piggy has kept me busy. It’s been a wonderful, tiring, frustrating, and joy filled month full of discoveries.

For example, did you know that the nail on my right pinky finger can pick her boogers out better than any damn nasal aspirator? Yep…betcha couldn’t go to bed without knowing that one.

What else? Even though Isabelle seems to sleep through noise just like her daddy does (sleeps through the dogs barking and everything) and even through my shaking and jiggling when she’s on the pillow I breastfeed her on, she seems to wake up as soon as we try to lay her down on the bed.

Other discoveries:

We love her with all our heart.

Read about Isabelle’s Birth.