I have to eat every 2 to 3 hours to keep my nauseousness away. I feel like I’m grazing like some deer, like I’m eating ALL THE TIME. Do you know how hard it is to think of something to eat every few hours?! Eating has become a chore.

Alan’s great aunt is in the hospital. She’s more like a grandmother to us. I’ve known her for almost half of my life. I thought she was getting better but she isn’t. I might not be posting for a few days.

We’ve been at the hospital almost every day this week to see Alan’s “grandmother” or Lola Ding as we all call her. I think Doctors Hospital in San Pablo is an awful awful place with many mean nurses. This is going to be a long post here about this week.

Lola Ding collapsed last week and an ambulance was called and they had to do CPR on her for a while to resuscitate her. They brought her to the ICU where she had to have a tube down her throat to help her breath. She had had a heart attack and a problem with her kidneys.

When we first saw her last week in the ICU the nurses were saying she was getting better little by little. They were doing dialysis. Then she started breathing on her own so they removed the tube down her throat which sounded like good news. And she could start swallowing on her own. More good news.

But then this Monday when she seemed to be doing better they told us to prepare ourselves, that she could go any day. Her blood platelet count was low and if she started having a hard time breathing they said putting a tube down her throat again would make her start bleeding. A DNR order was put on her chart and the family made arrangements with a mortuary. We were all devastated.

We called in a priest to see her and the nurse said when the priest came in around 7pm when no visitors were allowed she would let us in to be with her. At 7:15pm a priest came and when we tried to go in another nurse very meanly told us “no visitors now”. I was so worried how that would look to Lola Ding. If you are in the hospital and you see a priest come in you know that’s a bad sign, that you’re dying. But maybe she was asleep when the priest went to her room because she didn’t mention it. And it’s so sad, when she says she wants to go home the family just says, “tomorrow Lola Ding.” and they have her restrained because she was pulling at her I.V.

Well the next day, on Tuesday, Lola Ding seemed more alert and talkative. We were told that she was getting better and they might be releasing her. We were confused. But it was good news if they were going to release her.

Well then on Wednesday she was even more alert. She was talking loudly and even able to eat soup. Then a nurse came to tell us they wouldn’t be doing anymore dialysis on her, that her kidney’s had stopped functioning. I just broke down and cried.

On Thursday, Lola Ding was sleeping a lot. I read that the toxic wastes building up in her body are making her tired so maybe that’s why she slept so much. She’d wake up and see family members around and seem to be comforted and go back to sleep. She worries about what time we’re leaving and she says she doesn’t want to be alone. She’s constantly asking to go home. I think the family is going to try to find a hospice (is that what it’s called?).

I hate Doctors Hospital. A lot of the nurses there seem so callous and uncaring. Except the Filipino nurses. The Filipino nurses seem nice. One day one of the nurses needed help moving Lola Ding and told one of us to get a nurse from the desk to help. The nurse at the desk rolled her eyes when we told her the other nurse needed help, ACTUALLY ROLLED HER EYES! And at 8pm the security guards try to shoo the family out. You would think they wouldn’t be such asses under these circumstances.

Lola Ding has been pretty much the same since Thursday. We haven’t gone to the hospital these past two days since we had childbirth preparation classes. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. I am so drained and stressed. Every night when we get home I take a shower and collapse into bed. Sometimes I’m awake in the middle of the night and I can’t get her out of my head.

No more posting for a while.

Lola Ding has been the same. I hope they find a hospice for her so they can make her last days comfortable. Alan has gone back to work so we haven’t gone back to the hospital for a visit since Sunday. We have been calling his mom daily to see if her condition has changed. When we last went for a visit we only stayed about 3 hours, much shorter then usual. It’s just too stressful and wears me out. Now that I’m home I have more energy hence today’s post.

Tonight was stressful too and totally unanticipated. Tonight I was screaming my head off and scaring the dogs. Waldo was creeping around all freaked out because of my screaming. Why the screaming? Because I saw a mouse on the kitchen counter.

A couple of nights ago Alan was wondering why Nestle had her head poked out the doggy door looking into the garage. And last night a car alarm went off so I peaked my head through the doggy door to listen for sounds of our car being broken into and I heard nibbling. We couldn’t figure out what the nibbling noise was since we don’t have food in the garage. It wasn’t until today that I figured out it was a mouse that Nestle has been interested in.

Alan told me to go kill it. What in the world was he thinking when he told me that? Kill a mouse? Smash it’s little tiny body and hope it died instantly?! That’s so gross. I was so freaked out, the baby was kicking like crazy. In between frantic screaming I tried to trap it in a big metal popcorn tin. I gave up when it jumped off the counter towards me.

And then when I called Helen to tell her about the mouse, I found out that my mom went to the emergency room tonight. She’s at home now and has to see a specialist. We don’t know what’s wrong. It’s been a really rough couple of weeks. At least I relaxed a little by drawing.

Lola Ding has been moved to a hospice.

I haven’t been in the mood to do anything. I’m feeling blah. Maybe it’s thinking about Lola Ding, sitting around waiting for her to…

I wasn’t even going to post anything today but then all of a sudden I felt like drawing a little doodle, a doodle about my belly.

Sometimes I forget how big my belly is. I’m surprised when I reach over to grab something and oh look, belly is in the way.

Last week we were at the grocery store and Alan tried to push the cart past me for the bag boy to put the groceries in and umm the cart wouldn’t fit past the belly. I had to move all the way out of the check out area.

And then the other day Alan was painting the baby’s room. He climbed up onto the ladder and it was in the way of the door. I used to be able to fit thru the space that was left but not anymore, big belly. He had to climb down from the ladder and move it to make way for THE BELLY.

It’s weird. Big belly.

On the weekend Alan’s sister threw us a baby shower. It was so sweet of her. She decorated the house and had a cake, a diaper cake. It was so pretty. I forgot to bring our camera so these are the only pictures I have.

She had party favors for everyone.

Everything was so pretty. We were there for hours and hours and hours. We had a lot of fun.