Daily Archives: June 3, 2005

Being Pregnant

I never used to be one of those woman who yearned for a baby, who wanted to be a mother. I never understood those woman. It was as if I was on the other side of a very tall fence. I couldn’t see what they were seeing.

Before I got pregnant I told Alan if I got pregnant, it was meant to be, if not then it wasn’t. But today it dawned on me. There is this immense joy in creating a life. I’m so glad…no that’s too simple. The feeling is indescribable. I’m so delighted and so thankful that this has happened. Carrying this baby is happiness. I am so glad I didn’t choose to miss this, that I am experiencing this.

I don’t know if this makes sense. It’s not something I would have understood before, being a woman who didn’t want children. And I really feel for those women who used to be like me, who don’t want to have children, they don’t realize what they’re missing. They don’t see. They don’t understand. Before I would never have understood this feeling. I could have so easily missed this magical feeling of joy and wonderment, this feeling that brings tears to my eyes. That is the idea that has been bubbling and growing in my mind these past few days. And just trying to put it into words is hard.

I wonder if Helen felt this way? Do other moms to be? Or is it something that only woman like me feel. Like a light bulb going off in your head: it’s the realization of what you weren’t seeing and understanding. Or is it just my hormones these past few days? Well whatever it is, I know it’s just the beginning. I think the feeling will grow and become even more when I’m finally holding my baby in my arms. I’m on the other side of the fence now and I understand and there is no going back.