I’m trying to look up online if having a miscarriage is supposed to be as painful as it was. I found some page called Voices of Miscarriage. Someone wrote: “When I finally realized what I had lost I was starved for a baby”. I don’t necessarily feel that way. I’m not starved for any baby. I want the one I lost.

Someone else wrote: “My next pregnancy was difficult because I had lost my innocence of the beauty of pregnancy with the miscarriage. All around me were pregnant women who seemed to not know that danger lurked at every curve.” That’s how I feel. I’m scared of what may happen next time. And I don’t think other pregnant women have that depth of fear. I was worried about miscarriage but I can’t compare it to what I feel now.

Cuz I’m really really scared now. what if I have another miscarriage? I don’t want to have that kind of pain again.